Author's Note: I wrote this piece to sort of delve into my spirituality. In church one day, I began to think how we don't associate ourselves with the devil, and yet we sin. We associate ourselves with God, and yet we still are reluctant to accept his way of life as our own. Also, I included a little bit of the leap of faith stuff that we learned from Life of Pi. I wanted to experiment with a new type of poetry here, the one where you write out sentences and format them differently. William Carlos Williams, my adopted poet, did this in his poem "Asphodel", so I decided to try it out.
No one talks to the night
because it is the night, but they
make shady, underhanded deals
with it away from
the glow of the streetlights.
No one howls to the moon
because it is the moon, but they
allow their hearts to cry out
to it when they are
alone in their minds.
No one forgets the sun,
because it is the sun, but they
never rush to embrace
it, tripping over themselves
in welcome.
No one betrays the day,
because it is the day, but they
are not quick to
ally themselves with it, in case
anyone may see.
But night is day, and
sun is moon
and all we're left with is
ourselves, at the edge of a pit, and
all we can do is jump.
Wow. If this poem was on a blank piece of paper, I would have thought a famous poet wrote it. You send a very clear message when writing poetry, and even without the author's note, it wouldn't be tough to figure out what you are trying to say. The layout makes for a really interesting read, and I was pretty speechless when I finished. Amazing job!
ReplyDeleteWell, I am almost left without words. This poem works on every level. Thematically, there is a clarity here even though you use symbolism to convey the meaning. The form has a unique style, reminiscent of Williams, and at the same time, closed. The repetition just binds the piece together. And finally, the last stanza answers the questions from the earlier stanzas, echoing the message you ultimately want to get across. Excellent.
ReplyDeleteThis is a poem different than any I've read before and it works great. Like Sophie said, if I didn't know whose piece this was I would have thought it was a professional poet. I especially like the last stanza. Great job.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone already said here, this poem is incredibly good. The new style you tried made the message you were trying to get across really clear. Everything about it is carefully and amazingly crafted. Great job!
ReplyDeleteWhen I finished reading this poem it was hard for me to relive an 8th grader wrote it. you used symbolism that conveyed what you were trying to say well, and I loved the different style of poetry. Nice job trying to do your adopted authors writing style, because I think it worked very well for you.
ReplyDeleteThat was amazing! I really liked the format you put it in, it brought out the first segment of each phrase so the reader focused on it longer. Also, the idea because it is really interesting and the symbolism fits it well! I agree with Sophia, I would have guessed that a famous poet had written this if it wasn't on your blog. Good job!
ReplyDeleteGreat. Stylistically, it made for an entertaining read for me. Metaphorically, that was a good extended metaphor. Essentially, that was very well written and anything bad said about it would be just picking at gnats, on a cosmic scale.
ReplyDeleteThe last stanza added everything up, making the piece so real, so alive. I've never seen a poem formatted like this, but you used it greatly to make the point.
ReplyDeleteThis poem is excellent. I love how you got an inspiration from your poet. The symbolism was clear and the format emphasized this very well. As others before me have said, I would never have guessed that an eight grader wrote such a beautiful piece of work. It really is a fantastic poem.
ReplyDeleteI agree with everyone here, this poem was great. Your ending was really powerful and like you said in your author's not it was philosophical but you made it work and did it very well. And like Autumn said it was really cool how you took what your poet did and tried to do it to.
ReplyDeleteYou have a fantastic poem here. I agree with Sam, for I like your extended metaphor and I especially like how you sum it all up with an answer in the last stanza. I would enjoy having the ability to write a poem close to as good as this one. This is a great piece of literature and you should post this to the poem contest.
ReplyDeleteLike everyone else said, this really does sound like it was written by a professional poet! I liked how you set up the stanzas and the symbolism you used was very good! I agree with Matt that you should post this to the poem contest.
ReplyDeleteThis poem was amazing! I loved it and I agree 100% with what everyone else said. It was so good and I definitely support the idea that you should enter this piece it the poetry contest.
ReplyDeleteInteresting. I know that you aren't the most spiritual person but this was very good. Personally I didn't see the relation to religion but that's just me. We'll see who wins the poetry contest :-).
ReplyDeleteI don't think there should be anything more to say about this than what was already said. If there was something wrong with this poem, I wouldn't be able to find it in a million years. Exceptionally good metaphors as well as the thought that went into this and the symbolism that was shown. I agree with Thurman too. This should definitely go into the poem contest. Incredible piece of literature.
ReplyDelete