5.12.2010

The Dark Side of the Moon

Author's Note: I got my inspiration to write this piece from a little blurb on a baseball code of ethics sheet. It said the parent spectators shouldn't discriminate against players because of their ability. It got me thinking about what it would be like if we did show disdain towards people just because they weren't good at something. No, I'm not encouraging prejudice, but rather trying to tear it down.

Gregory Dolton was watching his son play a basketball game when They came for him. His son was everything he was not: athletic; intelligent; coordinated. A short and balding man, Gregory was like a cartoon character come to life. He was always committing petty acts of stupidity, but these actions never had consequences. That is, until recently. After a night of little sleep because of a lengthy fight with his wife, Dolton fell asleep while driving to work. The accident he caused severely injured a pedestrian, while severing a tendon in his own arm. With this injury, Gregory could no longer hold a pen, which was a vital part of his job as a pen salesman. Losing his job was the final straw, and even though he was not a smart man, Dolton was able to predict this visit from Them.

"Mr. Dolton," Number Seven said in an unemotional monotone. Part of his job of being one of Them was to lose all emotion. "We are here to inform you of the changes that were recently made to your Perfection Status. The Committee has decided that you are Imperfect"

"No . . . no. I can change. I mean, I mean . . . please give me more time. I can heal. I can change!" Dolton began to cry even as the words left his mouth. Hot tears streamed down his face as he tried to think of a way out of the destiny that had been chosen for him.

"Mr. Dolton," Number Eleven, the other man who was there, said in the exact tone of his associate. "The Committee has spoken. You are just too stupid and too uncoordinated to be a Perfect for any longer," Eleven continued allowing a hint of disdain to sneak into his voice. "You endanger the Perfection of our society and it will not be tolerated, not for one-"

Number Seven cut him short with a sharp gaze before any more emotion could find its way into his partner's voice. When you were one of Them, inability to control your emotions could get you demoted or even labeled as an Imperfect. Checking his watch, Seven started to worry. They only had a minute left before Dolton was expected in the car. If they were even a second late, they would be considered traitors and enemies of the Committee, even worse than Imperfects.

Reaching into his red bag, Seven barked orders at Dolton. "You will tell no one that we came. You will walk calmly towards a black car, license plate JG8-HKZ, parked outside the building. If you try to get help, we will know. If you try to escape, we will know. Here, take this ticket and don't lose it because we will know," Seven finished and handed Gregory the ticket he had taken out of his bag. It was all procedure: the ticket, the instructions, the car. Nothing ever changed.

At this point, Dolton had given up hope. He dejectedly took the ticket and trudged towards the car. His son would notice his absence after a while, but by then it would be too late. It was already too late. Gregory accepted that now, he accepted his Imperfection. Only a Perfect could be Perfect.

Just as Seven had said, there was a black car outside of the building. What neither of Them had mentioned was the make of the car. Dolton was to ride in a Hearse, because being Imperfect was as good as being dead.

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The ride was as bland as Their voices, but it allowed Dolton to think. Throughout the city, there were posters boasting slogans like: Death to Imperfects, Long Live the Perfect Perfect, Never Question the Committee. Gregory had never really paid attention to these posters, but becoming the target of their hate had made him think. What is so bad about being Imperfect? he asked himself. A life's worth of reasons to hate Imperfects came to him, but he fought against them. Why can't we all just accept each other's flaws? For the first time, Dolton began to form his own opinion about the topic of Perfection.
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When the car arrived at the Hall of the Committee, Dolton was shackled and led to a waiting room by more of Them. More Imperfects were there and by their pained sobs, he could infer that they had just been told of their status.
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Grey was the only color in the entire room. It was on the walls, on the floor, on the chairs, even on the others. For a minute, panic filled Gregory's heart, but he was soon relieved to find his ticket in his pocket. Because he was last in line, he took a minute to study it to see if it yielded any clues as to where his final destination would be.

The ticket was a silky gold and it shimmered in the half-lit room. The rainbow Stamp of the Committee, a circle with a pyramid inside of it, glistened, perfectly centered on it. Other than that, there were no markings of any sort. Dolton was still transfixed with the Perfection of the ticket when he was summoned.
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They were back, Number Seven and Number Eleven, because they were assigned to Dolton's case. He was to be escorted by Them to the Perfect Perfect as every Imperfect was. Then he would be whisked away, someone else's problem, soon to be forgotten. The walk was short, down a narrow hall and they were soon confronted with a room, one that belonged to the Perfect Perfect. The door of the Perfect Perfect's Chamber was cold and intimidating, without a touch of life. Gregory felt a shudder go down his spine as he entered.
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The Perfect Perfect sat behind a wooden desk in a room that was entirely wood. His every feature was Perfect, not a hair out of place, not a blemish on his face. He motioned to a chair in front of the desk, inviting Gregory to sit down. Dolton accepted, fearing the worst if he were to oppose this man's smallest order. With a brief clearing of his throat, the Perfect Perfect began to speak.
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"I have brought you here today to explain the meaning of Perfection and to clarify the confusion you feel now. You see, I was once a smaller version of me. I was the best in my class, best on my sports teams, and I hated the others who weren't as skilled as I. Over a very many of years, I was able to form a small political party of people like me. We had little power at first, but we grew daily as people began to see as we did. Our motto, The best is only possible with the best, began to ring true in the hearts of millions. Very quickly after our creation, we rose to power. The basis of our beliefs though, I now see is a sham.
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"There is no such thing as Perfection. Soon after I took power, I began to see Imperfection in even myself. I could not give up my power though, because being in charge is a drug to which I am addicted. To keep control of the population, I still had to believe full-heartedly in Perfection and the ways of my government. Because I believe Perfection is possible, and since every man, woman and child views the world through my perspective, my way of thinking is embraced.
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"I now come to the topic of your Imperfection. In order for my type of society to work, I must play off of fear. Without fear for oneself, humans can hardly be motivated. Their natural laziness prevents anything of substance to happen. Fear acts as a motivator, encouraging work instead of sloth. In this case, I use fear to motivate Perfection instead of Imperfection. How I frighten my citizens is quite simple: Dispose of the Imperfects.
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"Your Disposal is the end of the line for you. You may appreciate that I decided long ago it was too much work to simply kill Imperfects. Fear of the unknown is also much worse than the fear of death, because there are things to be scared of that are worse than death. That ticket you hold in your hand there is your ticket to a humane Disposal. Instead of being killed, which by the way will be your fate if you manage to lose it, the ticket grants you a one-way trip to the moon. Long ago, colonization of the moon was only a dream, but I have accomplished it. Of course, it had to be done in secret, for if the population knew the Imperfects were hidden on the moon, it would have to be blown up due to the immense disdain felt towards Imperfection. This is all I have to say, so I believe our time together is up."

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Six nameless, faceless figures slowly walked through a hallway towards a giant steel creation of technology. In history, these people would be heralded and called heroes, risking life and limb to explore the final frontier. This slow, majestic walk towards their spaceship would be a grand celebration. Now, that celebration had been turned into a death sentence with the only sounds being the scrape of shackles on the ground. Each man wore an identical expression, one of absolute hopelessness. They were all thinking of the life they left behind, and the life they were about to begin on the dark side of the moon.

24 comments:

  1. This is one of the coolest and favorite pieces that I have read throughout this year. Even though this piece is long, I would actually like to see you maybe write about life on the moon or elaborate more on some other things. Otherwise I love your style and I think this piece is Perfect.

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  2. This is impressive. It's not jus tthe length, which of course, is remakable, and shows real love of writing. I love the setting, and the character development. It takes time to execute that, and that may be why your piece is on the longer side. It's time to stop thinking about that too much, and just continue to work on it until the piece becomes what you want it to be.
    I would add some more incidental details that would bring the scenes to life. Part of what a fiction writer needs to do is place the reader in the scene, to get the reader to live, for the shor twhile they read, the life of the character. By slowing down the action to insert details that bring the text to life, I think you may be able to accomplish that.
    Thematically this is awesome. I love the author's note becasue iit gives me a glimpse into what your inspiration was, and what sort of thoughts you were processing by writing this fiction. If you want to talk further, I am more than happy to do so. Meanwhile, I am just going to try to stear more readers to your blog to get you that feedback.

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  3. This is such a unique piece, Matt. I agree with Mr. Johnson that the author's note really helped me visualize your perspective. I like how this piece takes a realistic trait of human life and transforms it into being some sort of fantasy. Remember what Mr. Johnson was telling us last week about vampires, werewolves, and such? That is what I thought you were trying to create but I didn't know if you realized that. It would've helped me a lot if you introduced the plot sooner becasue disregarding the title, I thought the story started on the Earth. Fantastic story!

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  4. Wow I that was really a great piece, much better than everything that I've done, I though that you did a really good job with voice, you reminded me of George Orwell. I though you could have done a better job describing the hall of the Hall of the Committee, you kind of left it blank in that spot. Otherwise I thought that it was a really great piece.

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  5. I agree with Ryan ans Mr. J, this is a really good piece. I love your development of the characters and settings. I really began to understand about this whole Perfect world setting. I only read the beginning of the book, but your story reminds me a lot of 1984. The fact that people who don't follow the rules and feel the same way as the government are treated exactly like Gregory in this story. If there is anything you can improve, in the beginning of the story, there isn't that much information to help the reader understand what really happened to make Gregory Imperfect. I felt like you just jumped in. And I would definiltey like to read more about the moon. Otherwise, this piece is really good.

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  6. I liked it, I thought you could've let there be a little bit of hope for the Imperfects such as giving them the chance at a judge, but it turns out to be the Comissioner.

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  7. Wow. I'm not even sure what to say. That was just amazing. Like Brad said, I also thought you sounded a lot like Orwell in his dystopic way of creating fear.

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  8. Wow Matt, that was crazy good, it kept me reading the whole time and i didnt want to just skip to the end. The part that really god me though, was "Dolton was to ride in a Hearse, because being Imperfect was as good as being dead." It really showe what you were trying to convey in this piece, and you did it very well. I really think you should add to this story because i would love to hear more. good job!

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  9. I stand corrected. It turns out that the plot does start out on Earth. But I think what confused me was the end. At first I thought the Perfects and Imperfect were on Earth and at the end, they moved to the Dark side of the moon, but they were startng out on the light side of the moon. I am sorry if i confused anyone, I beleive i confused myself, and I am sorry if it made Matt's story sound confusing.

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  10. That story was so Ironic! I like the way you were able to give me... the reader a sort of hopeless state of mind and an empty feel for all the Imperfects.

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  11. This is a piece that get's a reader to be taken aback by shock, to be happy with enjoyment, and even to cry. The structure and craft of the entire piece makes it seem like an art form. Even though it is a lengthy blog post, every word of it helps add immense emotion and shock to what you are actually trying to portray.
    Although this may make it an even longer piece, I would suggest that you add more detail to each scene, making it really what you want it to be. The length really wont matter to the reader as long as it draws them in with its depth and astonishing story.

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  12. Wow, Matt. That was a very good piece. I defninitely agree with Brad how you sound just like George Orwell, and how you use that dystopic view into creating fear. The author's note did help me visualize the writing piece more. I defnintely think that you should continue on from this piece, like maybe a sequal or just add on to this same post. Overall, I think this is probably the best fiction story that I have ever read. It's much better than anything that I have written, and I think it's great how long it is. Good job!

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  13. Matt, wow. That was exetremely sad. How you made it a world of horrid ideas. I really am just speachless. It was amazing. Also it was kind of scary how in your authors end note you said "please help me get it as close to Perfection" Amazing job overall. Please keep this up.

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  14. Wow... This is a amazing piece. You are very advanced in your understanding of writing. Length does not matter as long as the reader is intrigued by the writing, and you proved that in this piece. Absolutely outstanding.
    I really liked how this story was crafted, but I would have liked to feel more like I am in the story myself. More detail would definately improve this piece, although it is already a brilliant piece of work. If you just put more detail and information into the reader's mind, they will want to read more; I know that I most certaintly would like to read more of this story.

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  15. This was a very good piece. I agree that it is most likely the best fiction piece i have read this year. After hearing some people say how this mimicked George Orwell I agreed completly. The way you wrote this leaving some of the identities a secret by calling them number seven and Them was entertaining. The length looks like a lot when you start but as you get farther you wish it wouldn't end. Great job Matt!

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  16. I really liked this although it was kind of scary. I t was cool how you took a kind of simple rule and showed what could happen if people didn't 'obey' that rule. I never really have like sci-fi, but this was really good.Sorry I don't have any suggestions.

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  17. Matt, this is really good writing! I love the way you write and how you leave the reader hanging at the end. But I really think this could even evolve more, you know. I like how you took a simple thought and made it into something like this. This is amazing writing and you really do have major talent. Really good job, Matt!!

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  18. This is one of the best fiction pieces I've read all year! I love how show a dystopic vision of the world and the feeling of hoplessness throughout the story. If you can you should add more to this piece and I doubt anyone would just skip to the end, I sure didn't. Good job Matt!

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  19. Wow Matt! This was really really good! I thought that this even could end up in a book some day it was really good and interesting. I agree with Ryan that you should defintly try to write about the life on the moon ro go into more detail. Otherwise that was really really good!

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  20. That was a fantastic piece! I think this probably was the best fiction piece I have read this year, too. I like the way that you capitalized Them and Perfection and some other words. It helped me to understand that that was a group and an actual theme, and not just another word. The only thing that I would change is to tell more about Dolton's family. Otherwise it was amazing, and you should totally expand this!

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  21. That was a really good piece! I agree with everyone else about it being similar type of writing as George Orwell and it reminded me of Animal Farm while I was reading it. You used really good vocabulary in this and it was kind of creepy too!

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  22. All I have to say: Very nice! I can easily see you becoming the next George Orwell. You displayed the world before the reader's eye, and told everyone what prejudice can become. I will say, I couldn't design a good setting in my mind.

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  23. That was sooooo good! It gave me a lot to think about! It flowed really good, good word choice and everything. I thought it was amazing, I guess you could add something onto the end, but I liked how you left it open. REALLY GOOD JOB!

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  24. That was really astonishing, for a lack of a better word. You created this creepy world with tension and fear and painted this picture of a corrupted world. I love writing long pieces (and reading them, for that matter), so I like the length. You are a really advanced writer, and I hope someday I can write something as cool as this!

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